I found this at Scandie’s “Anxiety & Panic Disorder Support Group.” The idea is to copy all of the statements and put in boldface the ones that apply to your own battle with anxiety and panic.

I don’t know why I did it!
But what if I make a mistake?
You mean I’m not supposed to think all the time?
Don’t get me mad!
I can’t stop worrying even when I try.
I just can’t seem to get started.
I can’t throw that away, what if I need it some day?
My house is always a mess.
Why do I speak without thinking first?
I get so mad at other drivers!
My life is up and down.
It seems I have to work so hard to be happy when others don’t.
I hate it when people don’t like me.
I have no energy.
What’s the point, it’s not going to work out anyway.
It’s my way or the highway.
I hate being quiet, I feel so restless.
I read the whole page and I can’t remember what I read.
I need to check it out just one more time.
If I die the pain will finally go away.
I can’t believe what I’ve done.
I’ll never forgive myself.
I’m not meant to be happy.
I realize food is a drug for me, but I still can’t stop eating.
People think I’m weird.
I feel so angry.
It’s so hard to make decisions.
I deserve to suffer.
What’s the point, there’s no hope anyway.
I have such a bad temper.
I’m a nervous wreck.
Why are the tests always normal?
Something must be wrong.
My PMS is awful.
I think I have a chemical imbalance.
I hate myself.
Marijuana and alcohol are the only things that give me some peace.
I can’t stand feeling like I’m going to die or go crazy.
Stress turns me into a monster.
Don’t ask me to do the paperwork!
Deja vu, things feeling unreal, I’m afraid to tell anybody.
Antidepressants made me feel hyper and scared.
Don’t even try to interrupt me when I’m doing something.
Nothing ever really works for my depression.
I get bad moods for no good reason.
My mind never, ever stops.
Anxiety, rage, depression and despair.
It’s so hard to listen and pay attention.
I feel so empty inside.
I just can’t seem to get things finished.
Why do I like drugs and danger?
How could it be nerves?
Why do I get myself into so much trouble?
Why can’t I have a happy, successful relationship?
I’m afraid of medicines, I’m allergic to everything.
Antidepressants stopped working.

How does your list compare?

I took one like this once before, and I think I got the same result. It’s interesting to know that my views haven’t changed to favor either side:

You Are a Liberal Republican

When you tell people that you’re Republican, they rarely believe you. That’s because you’re socially liberal - likely pro-choice and pro-gay rights. You’re also not so afraid of big goverment, as long as it benefits people and not politicians. You are the most likely of any Republican type to swing over to the Democrat side sometimes.

I found this survey over at Dave’s “Random Thoughts from a Progressive Mind.” Rather than forcing my answers into the small places, I thought I’d give the extended versions:

Abortion: Couples should have the right to decide for themselves what is best for them and the unborn child involved.

Death Penalty: It would be a deterrent if the legal system didn’t have such a hideously flawed appeals process that guarantees two decades of court battles after the initial sentence.

Prostitution: Should be illegal.

Alcohol: In moderation, there is nothing wrong with it; even the Bible says that much. Anything in excess can be bad.

Marijuana: Should be illegal.

Other drugs: (Assuming we mean currently-illegal drugs) Should be illegal.

Gay Marriage: I think heterosexuals who aren’t committed to each other enough to stay married do much more harm to the “institution” of marriage than same-sex couples who are committed enough to each other to actually fight for their right to marry would do. I don’t care whether it’s called “gay marriage” or “civil unions;” the name isn’t important at all. Equality is equality, no matter what title you want to place on it.

Illegal Immigrants: The operative word is illegal. There is a right way to enter the country and a wrong way. Everyone should follow the same rules.

Smoking: Should be illegal.

Drunk Driving: Something needs to be done, but suing everyone besides the person who drank too much isn’t the answer.

Cloning: I think it has great medical potential…if it’s closely monitored.

Racism: It exists on all sides: there is such a thing as “reverse discrimination.” I can’t imagine how to remove it from the human equation, but I wish there was a way.

Premarital Sex: Mixed feelings. It should be about love, not lust.

Religion: Religion is important in society. Separation of Church and State wasn’t meant to stifle religion, but to prevent a single one from being forced on everyone. It’s not God or religion in general that is the problem: as with anything else, it’s the overzealous in the group that cause the most problems.

The War in Iraq: I think both Republicans and Democrats share the blame. If one side perpetrated such an “obvious” dupe, the other side should have seen the “obvious” dupe coming.

Bush: Wish he was more moderate, but at least you know where he stands. He’s part of this divide and conquer mentality that both political parties seem to have these days, and I think that philosophy is only hurting the country.

Downloading Music: It is costing the artists their fair share of royalties for their copyrighted material. Why should you get a free copy of something the rest of us pay for?

Legal Drinking Age: 21 is fine. We need to stop glorifying drinking as if it’s some mark of adulthood: too often, it leads only to misery.

Porn: Adults should be able to view it if they want, provided participants are willing and of age.

Suicide: Far too often, it is merely a ploy to get attention from someone who doesn’t really want to die to begin with, and thereby takes attention away from those with serious mental health issues that need serious help.

This comes from Christy at “A Day in the Life” by way of Aunt Nub’s Empty Head. The object is simple: copy and paste all of the statements and put in boldface the ones that apply to you.

Here goes:

001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more tv than I used to.
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping.
005. I own lots of books.
006. I wear glasses.
007. I love to play video games – well, just the 80s games.
008. I’ve tried marijuana.
009. I’ve watched porn movies.
010. I have been in a threesome.
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I believe honesty is the best policy.
013. I couldn’t live without my cell phone.
014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
015. I curse frequently. — Like Aunt Nub, most of it is under my breath.
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby.
018. I’m a perfectionist.
019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
020. I’ve never broken anyone else’s bones.
021. I’ve broken bones of my own.
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. – At least one…
023. I love rain.
024. I’m paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I have fresh breath in the morning.
030. I have semi-long hair.
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs.
035. I have a twin.
036. I talk a lot.
037. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
038. I have pictures of friends all over my room.
039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
040. I know how to do cornrows.
041. I am usually pessimistic. – I split hairs over “usually.” Maybe “Often” is better.
042. I have mood swings.
043. I think prostitution should be legalized.
044. I think Britney Spears is pretty/hot.
045. I have cheated on a significant other.
046. I have a hidden talent.
047. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
048. I think that I’m popular.
049. I am currently single.
050. I have kissed someone of the same sex. – No, not THAT way…
051. I enjoy talking on the phone.
052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
053. I love to shop.
054. I would rather shop than eat.
055. I would classify myself as ghetto.
056. I am bourgie and have worn a sweater around my shoulders.
057. I’m obsessed with my LJ blog! — Hmm…any idea where this originated?
058. I don’t hate anyone.
059. I would go out of my way to cause shit with someone I hate.
060. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
061. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
062. I have a cell phone.
063. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
064. I sleep more hours than I am awake.
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
066. I have lied to my parents in the last 2 weeks.
067. I have kissed someone and cringe every time I think about it.
068. I’ve rejected someone before.
069. I currently have a crush on someone.
070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. – Hmm…getting there.
071. I want to have children in the future
072. I have changed a nappy before. – Do they mean “diaper?”
073. I’ve had the cops called on me before.
074. I bite my nails.
075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
076. I’m not allergic to anything deadly.
077. I have a lot to learn.
077. I have dated someone at least ten years younger or older.
079. I have/had a best friend of the opposite sex.
080. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
081. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message.
082. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
083. I have tried alcohol before.
084. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past.
085. I own the “SOUTH PARK” movie.
086. I have avoided assignments to be on Xanga or my blog.
087. When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or chum.
088. I enjoy country music.
089. I love my best friend.
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza. – Of national chains, yes.
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
092. I watch cartoons and like them.
093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
095. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story”.
096. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
098. I have dated a close friend’s ex.
099. I am happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving.
101. Had a crush on somebody you have never met.
102. I’ve kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t.
103. I play a musical instrument.
104. I strongly dislike math.
105. I’m procrastinating on something right now. – Many things, actually…
106. I own and use a library card. — Used to, but not currently.
107. I fall in lust more than love.
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.
110. I’m obsessed with the tv show “Lost.”
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
112. I am an entirely different person around different people.
113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
114. I think ramen is the best kind of food in the whole world.
115. I am suffering from a broken heart. – I think everyone is to some degree.
116. I am a nerd. And proud of it!! – Yes and no.
117. No matter where I am or who I’m with, I always seem to be lonely.
118. I am left handed and proud of it.
119. I don’t change who I am for someone else. – If only it were true…
120. My heart resides below my feet. — What??
121. I am a Senior in High School.
122. I enjoy smoothies.
123. I have gastritis.
124. I have nothing better to do with my time.
125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
126.Most people call me by my middle name.
127. I once stole a music stand. – Why would anyone??
128. Pi confuses me.
129. I love NASCAR!
130. I own over 200 CDs.
131. I work 7 days a week.
132. I have mono.
132. I don’t have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.
133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.
134. I’m wearing a bonds chesty. – I’ll assume I’d know what it was if I had one.
135. I had more than one Thanksgiving dinner this year.
136. I’ve driven to a different state to see a band I like.
137. I am the most over analytical person I know.
138. I believe in wasting time. – Don’t believe in it, but I do it.
139. I don’t listen to much music.
140.I have a shoe fetish.
141. My favorite holiday isn’t Christmas.
142. I prefer weeks off of school instead of days here and there.
143. I like sex.
144. I wanna go home.
145. I don’t know what I would do without my friends.
146. Christmas threw up in my dorm room and I love it.
147. Friends is my favorite tv show.
148. I can touch my nose with my tounge.
149. On most days, I like my job.
150. I need a new piercing or tattoo.
151. Been embarrassed by the number of people you’ve slept with.
152. I still use the phrase when I grow up.
153. I have a need to use phrases and words from the 80’s to “relive my youth.”
154. I’ve given birth without painkillers of any sort.
155. I would do anything for my husband/wife.
56. I go to the gun range to relieve frustration.
157. My name is Mindy, but I’ve never met Mork.
158. I want to get my drivers licence next year.
159. My passion is art.
160. 160 questions was a waste of my time.
161. I unicycle.
162. I almost died when I was a few months old.
163. I have a social phobia.

Thanks for playing!

I must be getting older because time seems to be going by more quickly. We finished up a major project at work earlier this week, so there’s a lot less pressure on now…until my boss reveals the list of summer projects due by September 1st. But there’s always time for the “Saturday Six!”

Julie of “Drivin’ it Home” was the “first to play” last week! Congratulations, Julie!

It would appear we had only one person play last week who had never played the ‘Six’ before, and that is Charley of “Courage,” who hosts the “Friday Five!” Be sure to stop by his journal and say hello.

Here are this week’s “Saturday Six” questions. Either answer the questions in a comment here, or put the answers in an entry on your journal…but either way, leave a link to your journal so that everyone else can visit! If you don’t have an AOL journal, you can still play, but of course you’ll at least need an AOL screen name, which you can get for free with AOL Instant Messenger, to be able to leave a comment here. To be counted as “first to play,” you must be the first player to either answer the questions in a comment or to provide a complete link to the specific entry in your journal in which you answer the questions. A link to your journal in general cannot count. (Again, if you’re playing for the first time, please be sure to say so in the comment!) Enjoy!

1. What was your favorite childhood movie? When was the last time you saw it?

2. Who is your worst enemy at the moment? (First names only, please.) Why is that person your enemy?

3. Which one of the following annoys you most when you encounter a new blog?
a. Constant grammatical errors.
b. Constant spelling errors.
c. Contrived “street” language.
d. Too many “nothing happening today” entries.

4. Take this quiz: Which alcoholic drink are you?

5. What is the last thing yousaid to a person face to face? Who was that person?

6. READER’S CHOICE QUESTION #59 from Debi: When you shower, do you ever think of the Alfred Hitchcock movie, “Psycho?”

If you have a Reader’s Choice question you’d like to see asked (and answered), click the e-mail link on the About Me bar and send it to me.

MY ANSWERS:
1. “The Wizard of Oz,” and I just bought the DVD after seeing a documentary on it on Turner Classic Movies.

2. Too often, myself. I let anxiety and depression get the best of me far too often.

3. Contrived language. I know there are some people who speak in non-standard English as a general rule. But I’ve read journals where it appears that the writer is quite smart, yet uses “lingo” in an apparent attempt to dumb-down their content. That annoys me… a lot.

4. I’m a cocktail. How nice.

5. “Have a good night,” to a co-worker.

6. Not really, although it’s true that one is pretty vulnerable in a shower or bathtub. But I’m confident that my dogs would alert me to a mysterious knife-weilding old woman in time for me to make a quick escape.

I read an interesting discussion about whether writers read published fiction while writing works of their own over at Absolute Write.

Some writers avoid reading other writers like the plague at different points along their own creative process. They mention a fear of unconsciously copying another author’s style in their own work. Other writers say they don’t know how not to read, whether they’re writing or not.

My full-time job involves a lot of writing, and I often dinf that I don’t have a lot of spare time to do much else other than “veg” at home. The internet is a big distraction for me, unfortunately. So is television. So is my DVD collection. So is anxiety.

I could go on and on.

As I proved to myself this past weekend, given the right situation, I can easily produce ten pages I’m pleased with in a single day. But there are many days when I feel I only have time to do writing or to read other people’s writing. On those days, when it isn’t a distraction, writing usually wins out.

I try to make time when I can read other novels, but it can be difficult. That’s one reason why I am a big fan of audiobooks. I almost always have one playing, and my mind is better able to absorb the story when I’m a “captive” audience in the car. Sometimes I listen to the audio version of the same book I’m reading at home, because I think it’s interesting to experience the spoken word of someone else’s performance as well as the mind’s own interpretive performance when you read the same material yourself. I see different images sometimes in what I read than in what is read to me, and that is a fascinating proposition to me.

Unfortunately, when I’m home and trying to read, there is this inner voice that lays a lot of guilt on me about why I’m not trying to work on my WIP. Also, after 14 years in TV, my attention span makes it difficult to sit for long periods of time to read.

I do try to read a lot of non-fiction writing books and I try to visit other writers’ blogs and resources like this one to see how other writers do what they do. And I try to read fiction that is within the genre I’m interested in, just to see how my published colleagues handle the genre.

I’ve never honestly even considered being influenced by another writer’s style when reading while I’m writing something of my own. That is an interesting fear that some writers have. For me, if another novelist did influence me directly, I’d like to think it would be short-term because I think that my own writing style — whatever it is — would come back through eventually. That is to say, I don’t think I’ve ever encountered an author whose style overwhelmed me so completely that I would have read his work then suddenly began writing exactly that way from then on.

If I do pick up rhythm tricks or subtle style techniques from other writers, I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all. The writers I’m reading are published, after all, so obviously they know what they’re doing. (I do not count self-published authors in that category, for obvious reasons.) I don’t see any difference between learning to write through reading other novelists’ finished products and learning to write through reading a lot of non-fiction books that each promise that their way is the only way to write.

It would be nice to think that some day some struggling writer might pick up a book of mine and see something inspirational on my pages.

I found this through a friend of mine named Neil. This is a Spiritual Gifts Test to show you what your strengths are in terms of your faith.

Here are my results:

Score	Spiritual Gift	Statement/Response
23	Wisdom	008 = 5	030 = 5	052 = 3	074 = 5	096 = 5
19	Discernment	016 = 3	038 = 5	060 = 3	082 = 3	104 = 5
19	Intercession	020 = 5	042 = 5	064 = 3	086 = 5	108 = 1
19	Exhortation	007 = 3	029 = 5	051 = 1	073 = 5	095 = 5
16	Healing	021 = 5	043 = 5	065 = 3	087 = 0	109 = 3
13	Pastor	004 = 0	026 = 0	048 = 5	070 = 5	092 = 3
13	Craftsmanship	019 = 1	041 = 5	063 = 1	085 = 1	107 = 5
11	Mercy	015 = 5	037 = 0	059 = 5	081 = 0	103 = 1
11	Faith	017 = 0	039 = 0	061 = 5	083 = 1	105 = 5
10	Helps	011 = 3	033 = 0	055 = 1	077 = 3	099 = 3
9	Missionary	022 = 1	044 = 0	066 = 3	088 = 0	110 = 5
9	Serving	010 = 0	032 = 1	054 = 0	076 = 3	098 = 5
7	Leadership	012 = 3	034 = 1	056 = 1	078 = 1	100 = 1
7	Prophet	002 = 1	024 = 3	046 = 1	068 = 1	090 = 1
7	Apostle	001 = 3	023 = 3	045 = 0	067 = 1	089 = 0
7	Evangelist	003 = 1	025 = 1	047 = 1	069 = 1	091 = 3
7	Knowledge	009 = 3	031 = 1	053 = 1	075 = 1	097 = 1
5	Hospitality	018 = 1	040 = 0	062 = 3	084 = 0	106 = 1
5	Teacher	005 = 1	027 = 0	049 = 3	071 = 1	093 = 0
5	Administration	013 = 0	035 = 3	057 = 1	079 = 0	101 = 1
4	Music	006 = 1	028 = 0	050 = 3	072 = 0	094 = 0
2	Giving	014 = 0	036 = 1	058 = 1	080 = 0	102 = 0

My top five spiritual gifts are:Wisdom: It is the special gift whereby the Spirit endows particular Christians with an understanding of God’s will and work as it relates to the living of life.

Discernment: It is the special gift whereby the Spirit enables certain Christians to know with assurance whether some behavior is of God or of Satan.

Intercession: It is the special gift whereby the Spirit enables certain Christians to pray for extended periods of time with great positive effect for the building of the Kingdom.

Exhortation: It is the special gift whereby the Spirit enables certain Christians to stand beside fellow Christians in need and bring comfort, counsel and encouragement so they feel helped.

and Healing: It is the special gift whereby the Spirit employs certain Christians to restore health to the sick.

I don’t see healing as a spiritual gift that I possess at all. I think I’m a good listener and give good advice, so perhaps something in the questions produced the implication that by giving encouragement, I might be providing some “healing” words for the soul, but that’s the only way I can make that one have any validity at all.

Anyone else taking this one? Do you agree with the results?

From the Healthy Place Anxiety-Panic Community…

The Top Ten most “ridiculous” comments made to a person with an anxiety disorder:

10. What’s wrong with you?

9. You’ll never recover.

8. Take a holiday.

7. Just try to relax.

6. You’re just a little bit stressed.

5. You worry too much.

4. Snap out of it.

3. Pull yourself together.

2. Try harder.

1. There’s nothing wrong with you!

My number one isn’t on the list: “Just try not to think about it.” What’s your most hated piece of kind-hearted advice?

I saw this quote on a writers message board and I just had to pass it along:

“The hardest thing for most writers to do is WRITE!”
–Stephen J. Cannell

While on a recent blogjog, I found mention of Microsofthealth.com, a website designed exclusively for employees of Microsoft and their families.

But on the front page, there is a BMI calculator. BMI, the body mass index, is a calculation based on one’s weight relative to one’s height and is supposed to be relatively reliable for adults 19-70 who are not competitive athletes, bodybuilders or pregnant women. I can safely say that I fall into none of those categories.

A BMI of between 18.5-24.9 is considered to be healthy. Mine is currently 36, which puts me in the classification of “clinically obese.” That doesn’t tell me anything I didn’t know, really, but it at least gives me another goal to target.

I’ve shown you mine…how’s yours?

Last Friday, President Bush appointed the nation’s first “Copyright Czar” to oversee America’s efforts to combat intellectual property theft. The Secretary of Commerce’s deputy chief of staff, Chris Israel, became the Coordinator of International Intellectual Property Enforcement, which Congress created last year to focus law enforcement agencies fighting copyright infringement. The position also oversees a federal umbrella agency responsible for administering intellectual property law, which is currently divided among the Library of Congress, the Justice and State Departments and the U.S. Trade Representative.

It’s not clear yet exactly what Israel will do to make copyright infringement less attractive to thieves, but it is an interesting step.

I’ll see my parents during the last week in August, and it’s my goal to lose a total of 20 pounds by the time that happens.

That will still put me well above the “proper” weight for someone my height, but 20 pounds is a start, at least.

This morning, I did one mile on the treadmill and for lunch I had a Healthy Choice Creamy Herb-Roasted Chicken, which had only 230 calories. I’ve also had two cups of coffee, and I do use sugar in that, but I don’t know the calories involved in coffee. I have Equal in the cabinet, but have tried to seriously cut the amount of aspartame I take in. Splenda is what I use at work, and I might have to invest in some of it at my next trip to the grocery store.

For dinner, it’ll be another Healthy Choice…just don’t know which one, yet. I’m trying to do no cooking at all this week, and no visits to any restaurant, not even to purchase “heart-smart” or “low-cal” food (or any of the other guilt-free names they come up with)!

Twenty pounds is probably too much to lose in such a short amount of time, although I can shed at least ten pounds fairly quickly when I really try. The problem, obviously, is that I don’t really try very often.

I wonder if people are still upset with Joe, the friendly Journals Editor over at AOL, who recently riled up his audience with the suggestion that blogs are boring.

Over at his blog, “Magic Smoke,” he claimed all blogs are boring because they fall into one of two categories:

1. The Big Fish Blogs
These are the blogs where everyone talks about basically the same news item or email or internet curiosity. One person reads about it, blogs about it, one of their readers blogs about that entry, and it goes on until everyone is writing about the same handful of ideas.

2. Small Fry Bloggers
Regular people who are regular, and, according to Joe, boring.

In boldface, at the bottom of the entry, he stated that the post was 60-75% serious. That mild disclaimer didn’t stop several folks from taking offense to his remarks.

I wasn’t one of them. In fact, in my comment, I suggested the following:

You’re right: there is a lot of repetition when it comes to subject matter and a good many people who lead “ordinary” lives. But I think that in itself is the reason a lot of us read blogs:We like the “Big Fish” blogs because it gives us a chance to “eavesdrop” on rants about common topics to measure how our opinions rank among those of others.

We like the “Small Fry” blogs because they remind us that we’re not necessarily as boring as we think we are!

Others took what reads as personal offense to the suggestion that their blogs are boring…as if being a “regular” person is an insult. I’m not sure why folks would think that it is: most of the time, we spend far too much effort trying to fit in! The suggestion that we have accomplished that hopeless goal should have come as a relief!

Beyond the two advantages I pointed out, another nice thing about blogs, in my opinion, is that those who read them are able to experience (to a limited degree) the way other people go through the motions of life. A short “blog jog” can put you into the thought processes of a member of the opposite sex, a member of a different political party, one of a different religion or creed, or even one whose sexual orientation is different than yours. If you’re lucky, you can find someone who is different from you in every single way. I think it’s a good reminder to us that other people may not think the way we think. Even when there are no comments left, ideas are exchanged.

Good ideas to ponder, I think, as we approach the second anniversary for AOL’s Journals.

Today, I was visited by Mr. Death. No, I didn’t have a near-death experience, I’m happy to report. I’m speaking of the Mr. Death who tries to convince a writer to kill off a character in his story.

The character in question in my work-in-progress has been on and off of the chopping block. When I first began to conceive the idea for my plot, it was a foregone conclusion that this character would die by the end. Over time, I realized that he shouldn’t die, despite the fact that a great part of him really wants to.

Today, Mr. Death started whispering in my ear again. “You know that character of yours in the old house? He really needs to die.” It seemed so logical all of a sudden. Of course he would die. It would solve a problem or two and give him a sense of justice. I was ready to kill him off, despite my final scene that has sat written for months in which he is still alive. I was willing to trash that final scene, which I was pleased with, and rework it to accomodate this sinister voice in my head.

I spent the afternoon running errands, including getting an oil change for my car. I took my trusty laptop and wrote as I sat in the lobby of Jiffy Lube. I produced an astounding five pages. (It’s astounding for me in such a short amount of time…those Jiffy Lube guys are pretty quick.) I then decided to have lunch at Outback and I took my laptop inside and wrote another five pages in between appetizer, entree and the bill.

After producing those ten pages, thereby salvaging another week in which I otherwise wouldn’t have met my self-imposed goal, it occurred to me that I must have been crazy to consider doing such a thing. I can’t kill off the character. That would make the story have too neat an ending. I like stories that leave just a little bit left undone…not that I’m planning a sequel of any kind to this story, but how many of the situations in our daily lives ever completely end with neat ribbons and bows? Sometimes, part of life is a few remaining questions, a bit of uncertainty for the road ahead. This character’s death would have removed that.

So my character is again off the chopping block. You writers out there may want to be on the lookout for Mr. Death. He might be headed your way in frustration.

After another Saturday morning spent trying to find good homes for some deserving four-legged friends, I bring you another edition of the Saturday Six. I’m sorry for keeping the regular players waiting longer than usual this week.

Laura of “Adventures in Juggling” is the “first to play” last week according to the rules, which specify that to be counted as the official first player, you must provide the complete link to the specific entry in which you answered the questions. Congratulations, Laura!

It was the first time that Laurie and “Nightmaremom” played the “Saturday Six.” Be sure to stop by his journal and say hello.

Here are this week’s “Saturday Six” questions. Either answer the questions in a comment here, or put the answers in an entry on your journal…but either way, leave a link to your journal so that everyone else can visit! If you don’t have an AOL journal, you can still play, but of course you’ll at least need an AOL screen name, which you can get for free with AOL Instant Messenger, to be able to leave a comment here. To be counted as “first to play,” you must be the first player to either answer the questions in a comment or to provide a complete link to the specific entry in your journal in which you answer the questions. A link to your journal in general cannot count. (Again, if you’re playing for the first time, please be sure to say so in the comment!) Enjoy!

1. Who was your first best friend? How old were you when you two met? Are you still in regular contact with each other?

2. Other than the “Saturday Six,” what weekly or daily memes do you play most often? (Please give a link to that journal.)

3. Which of the following likely has the bigger mess underneath it: your stove, your refrigerator, your couch or your bed?

4. Take this quiz: How long does MSN think you’ll live? Then take this one: How long does Blogthings think you’ll live?

5. Do either or both of these motivate you to make any changes in your lifestyle?

6. Name five things you would like to do by December 31, 2005.

If you have a Reader’s Choice question you’d like to see asked (and answered), click the e-mail link on the About Me bar and send it to me.

MY ANSWERS:
1. My first best friend was a kid named Troy, three years older than me, who lived across the street. I was roughly five and he was about eight when we first met. We drifted apart over the years, despite our efforts not to. The numbers he gave me the last time we saw each other are either no longer in service or have computerized answering machines with no identifying message and my calls were never returned.

2. I don’t play any other memes on a regular basis, but instead I just bounce around and play an occasional one here and there.

3. Probably the refrigerator: most of the others have been cleaned since I’ve been in this apartment. The floor under the fridge hasn’t.

4. MSN says 63…another reason to dislike Microsoft. Blogthings says 73. I wish I had a third one to try to see if this 10-year trend continues.

5. They only reinforce what I already know: I need to lose this gut.

6. Hmm. Five goals by the end of the year.
a. Win the lottery.
b. Complete my novel.
c. Find an agent who likes it enough to want to eventually represent it.
d. Beat anxiety.
e. Win an Emmy.
(Only one of those seems likely by December.)