Life

When Taking a Stand Turns Personal

Last Updated on February 12, 2022

Maybe I need to stop reading “Dear Abby.” I was going through some recent newspapers that I hadn’t really had time to read, yet. I came across a column from the middle of last week with one of those letters that I couldn’t resist commenting on.

It’s from a man who is about to be married. His brother is gay. The groom-to-be obviously loves his brother and has no problem with his sexual orientation. This is evident because the groom-to-be asked the brother to be his best man.

From the letter:

“When I asked him, I was stunned at his response. ‘Mike’ said he loves me and ‘Beth,’ but refuses to be part of a ceremony celebrating something for which he is discriminated against emotionally, financially and socially. He refuses even to attend.”

The would-be groom goes on to say that when he stopped to analyze the situation, he saw that his brother was right when it came to the discrimination behind the gay marriage debate. This guy seems to understand completely how his brother feels and supports him in his decision to boycott the wedding.

Hmm.

The wounded groom-to-be continues:

“As hurt as I am, I can’t hold against my brother his refusal to participate in what he refers to as a “reminder that he is considered a second-class citizen without the same civil rights” as I have.

“How can I handle this without turning it into something that could overshadow what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life?”

I’ll let you go to the actual post to read Abby’s response; while I agree with her point about accepting the status quo, my response would have been a little different.

For one thing, I’d have pointed out to “Disappointed,” who was “hurt” by his brother’s refusal to participate or even attend, that this act is already putting a shadow on his happy day. I’d suggest that ‘Mike’ should consider the fact that while he has a legitimate gripe about homosexuals being treated as second-class citizens when it comes to the marriage issue, he’s taking his anger out the wrong people. He should be campaigning to his lawmakers, not boycotting the wedding of a sibling who, by all indications, not only doesn’t have a problem with homosexuality but loves ‘Mike’ enough that he wants him to stand with him at the wedding.

I should think that would say a lot.

And what’s this groom-to-be supposed to do when his friends and extended start asking why his own brother isn’t there? It seems to me that he’d have two choices:

1. He gives each person who asks the complete truth, which takes attention away from his wedding and puts the focus on a political hot-button, instead; or

2. He comes up with a convenient excuse so that only he and those who are fully aware of the reason know why the brother is boycotting, which results in the boycott losing some of its intended audience.

And either way, the groom still has to be reminded of ‘Mike’s’ refusal to be there for him every time the subject comes up.

I support the cause. After all, the Declaration of Independence didn’t specify that only straight men are equal. But there’s a time to take a stand and a time to set your agenda aside and support your own family when they need you. I hope that ‘Mike’ figures that out before the wedding day.

the authorPatrick
Patrick is a Christian with more than 30 years experience in professional writing, producing and marketing. His professional background also includes social media, reporting for broadcast television and the web, directing, videography and photography. He enjoys getting to know people over coffee and spending time with his dog.

3 Comments

  • This almost sounds unthinkable to me. Family is such a big thing to me, THE big thing, that this level of disrespect (in my opinion that’s what it was) is unforgivable. Sexual preference, religious preference, racial preference, etc. should always take a backseat to your family. In the end, they’re really all you have.

    This was neither the time or the place for the gay brother to make his “statement”.

  • Are you kidding me? How completely selfish and self-centered could someone be to take a stand on his supposed discrimination on his brother’s wedding day. I agree with Patrick. This guy’s wedding should be a day of rejoicing for the ENTIRE family. Now should this blessed event make “Mike” angry that he is not afforded the same “benefits” under the law, then that is where his stand should be, with the lawmakers and not at his brother’s wedding. This again goes to my point posted concerning Paul’s atheist column…you have the minority trying to impose the indignation, beliefs and morals on the majority.

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