Bad Copy
Badly-written commercials really tick me off. Not that I’m expecting every commercial I see to be some great gem of Super Bowl quality, but I at least expect it to be reasonably written, especially if I take the time to actually watch them.
Just a little while ago, I was in the kitchen contemplating the need to wash dishes, though not really doing much about it, while I heard a commercial for the drug Enbrel.
There was a shot of a mountain scene with a woman preparing to ride horseback. The woman’s voiceover went like this:
I knew rheumatoid arthritis could be painful. I didn’t know it could attack my joints.
I actually went to the television and replayed the spot, through the miracle that is Tivo. Yep. That’s what she said.
I’m no doctor, but I have to wonder if she’s ever heard of arthritis. Translated from Greek, arthritis means, literally, “inflammation of the joints.” So I wonder how someone might, even hypothetically, know that any variety of arthritis would be painful, but not have any idea that the joints were involved.
Yeah, yeah, I know…it’s just a commercial and the vignette is probably completely fictional rather than being based on any real patient’s letter to the drug’s manufacturer. But to me, someone who actually works in the marketing side of TV, a fictional scenario requires that much more common sense. Especially when they depict this woman’s hands as having swollen joints.
Clearly, this fictional patient isn’t the brightest bulb in the chandelier.
This particular spot has probably been on the air for a while now and I’ve just missed this stupid line. But hearing it now reminds me that there’s something to be said for skipping commercials.
Welcome to Patrick’s Place, home of the Saturday Six, the Sunday Seven and Monday’s Morals. Patrick is a television producer, writer, Mac lover, and Christian, though not necessarily in that order. He has a natural dislike of double standards and poor grammar.
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This made me smile.
Made me smile, too–and have a similar tale. Mine’s not about a commercial; it’s about TV news. On a Charlotte newcast one night, the female anchor, reporting an emergency landing at Douglas International Airport that day, said:
“…the U.S. Air 747 was cruising at 3000 feet when it encountered engine trouble…”
Encountered engine trouble? Does that mean there are pockets of engine trouble lurking at higher altitudes, just waiting for the unsupecting aircraft to meet them? Run into them? GOTCHA!
I didn’t know whether to laugh or call the station to complain.
As a former newsman, I’ve written my fair share of bad copy. But there should have been a copy editor, a fact checker and someone from the advertiser to OK that line before it ever got to the production stage. Big Pharma is spending mega-millions on professional ad agencies to come up with this crap.
No excuse acceptable in this case. Pound them into submission, Patrick.
I think the whole copy goes something like this: “I knew rheumatoid arthritis could be painful. I didn’t know it could attack my joints…because my doctor has me on so many drugs I’m usually in a brain fog and I tend to forget things, such as my husband’s name.”