A funny thing happened at the gym the other night. My trainer was a no-show.

And you thought that if anyone would be a no-show at a gym, it would have to be me!  (I’d have made the same bet, actually, so I don’t take any offense.)

I have expected that he was hiding somewhere just watching to see what I would do, and that if I tried to slip out, he’d corner me at the door. I noticed a while back that there are small two-way mirrors along the top of one wall, which leads me to believe that there are spaces up there where employees can monitor the goings-on at the gym. I doubt that they actually do; it’s just as likely that this building used to be a grocery store or department store and had security personnel who really did venture up there as part of the routine. But I don’t really think anyone is watching people workout.

In any case, I went ahead with my routine, sort of combining a workout he suggested last week with a few new exercises of my own. I focused on upper body, because my legs are still ridiculously sore from my last lower body workout. (Seriously: what the hell’s with all the pain? People actually like this??)

I haven’t tried calling the trainer, yet, to find out what happened. At least at this point, I think that should be his responsibility.

We shall see.

Despite my ridiculous repair bill for a failed car window, I did get some good news on Wednesday; actually, I received two pieces of good news from my doctor.

First, the sleep apnea: it turns out that anyone who has a score of 20 or higher is considered to have a “severe” case. My score is an 8, which means that it’s mild enough that my doctor is thinking that I should just continue with the diet and try to lose more weight before worrying about exploring an expensive CPAP machine (the device used to treat sleep apnea). With a price tag of about $1,000, I’m fine with putting that off indefinitely.

Then there was the diet: since my last visit, just two weeks ago, I’ve managed to lose 6 pounds. With progress like that, I may be able to rid myself of sleep apnea completely. And that’d be a good thing, too: I could use the rest.

And as a bonus, I’ll make mention of my blood pressure, which I would have expected to be high because today was a monster of a day. It turns out it was 120/73. I’ll take numbers like that any day.

The South is known for good, down-home cooking. If it involves grease, those of us who live here are all over it. If it involves a more healthy cooking method, then we have to have a little more coaxing to give it a try. You probably wouldn’t be surprised that there are Southern states that rank at the top in obesity.

In Mississippi, a lawmaker wants to do something about that and his plan is causing lots of eyebrow raising.

Rep. W.T. Mayhall, Jr. (R) has proposed House Bill 282:

“An act to prohibit certain food establishments from serving food to any person who is obese, based on criteria prescribed by the State Department of Health; to direct the Department to prepare written materials that describe and explain the criteria for determining whether a person is obese and to provide those materials to the food establishments; to direct the department to monitor the food establishments for compliance with the provisions of this act; and for related purposes.”

It’s one thing for government to attempt bans on smoking in public places (which I favor) or on using dangerous trans-fats (which I have mixed feelings about). It’s quite another for government to attempt to ban the serving of food to people based on whether they are obese. In fact, there are many problems with this plan:

• All people who are obese are not necessarily so solely because of food. Some people who are borderline obese can be pushed over the scale by medication, for example. Also, a lack of exercise is also sometimes at least as much to blame as inadequate portion size.
• The solution to being obese isn’t to stop eating. Your body still needs fuel. You should certainly eat less, but if you stop eating completely, your body begins burning lean muscle tissue and fat. It’s the lean muscle tissue that you do have that helps burn the fat that you shouldn’t have.
• It has the potential to be a psychological nightmare for people who are obese and already have to fight low self-esteem. The last thing they need is to be pulled aside during an evening out with friends and be shown the door and embarrassed.
• It’s distinctly punitive. The policy wouldn’t take into account anyone who is actually making progress towards losing weight: for example, a patron who is on a weight loss and exercise plan, and who has already lost 100 pounds, but still falls just inside of the “obese” range, would be treated just the same as someone who refuses to exercise or eat responsibly. Doesn’t seem quite fair, does it?
• How do you actually measure this? One’s Body Mass Index (BMI) is a comparison of height to weight. So this means that you’d literally have to measure every person who walks in the door: you’d have to weight them and determine their height, then calculate the index. Can you imagine waiting in a line for that?
• The BMI isn’t absolute. One year ago, when I weighed 290, my blood sugar level was in the “Pre-Diabetic” range and my cholesterol was at 239, thirty-nine points into the “red zone.” But after losing 50 pounds, my blood sugar level was well into the normal range as was my cholesterol. The lipid markers all showed good readings, even though I was still technically “obese.” BMI also doesn’t take into account whether a person is carrying a lot of muscle weight or is “big-boned.” It is only a flat ratio of height to weight, and no fitness expert I’ve ever spoken with considers it the defining method of figuring one’s healthy weight.

Most BMI indexes suggest that I should weigh less than 180. Sure. Nothing would thrill me more. But I think I have an equal chance of sprouting horns. On the other hand, I have an uncle who just turned 75, who has been significantly overweight for decades. At his most recent doctor’s visit, his doc marveled at his cardiac condition, and said he has the heart of a thirty-year-old. While that may certainly be the exception and not the rule, it does happen.

There are lots of ways to encourage people to do the right thing when it comes to food. Unfortunately, this isn’t one of them. Not by a long shot.

No, I’m not talking about alcohol.  I’m talking about that popular drink among the more fitness-inclined among us: Gatorade.

I had my weigh-in yesterday, during which I complained, lamented, whined, etc., that I was stuck within a five-pound range since the holiday gain, and that it seemed that nothing I did could get me past this most annoying hump.

I pointed out that I had started working with a personal trainer, that I was cutting back on everything, trying to slim down every meal, watching calories of everything I ate, working even more greens into the diet — folks, I am so sick of spinach right now I can’t even tell you! — and making sure I’m keeping the water drinking high.  I added that I even bought up a bunch of Gatorade and was making sure I was drinking plenty of fluids to keep the “juices flowing,” if you know what I mean.

That’s when my weight loss counselor raised his eyebrows.  “That’s probably your problem,” he said.  “How much Gatorade are you drinking?”

I told him that I had bought several of the 64-oz. jugs that they have in various flavors.  I was trying to drink at least one 64-oz. jug a day, sometimes I was drinking one and a half or two a day.

Not good, he says.  Gatorade, it turns out, is loaded with calories.  Loaded.

I was shocked.  Isn’t Gatorade what people are supposed to drink when they’re on a diet and trying to slim down at the gym?  Isn’t it this marvelous drink that takes water and adds those critical minerals or whatever it is that replenishes what you lose when you work up a sweat?  Maybe, but that 64-oz. jug of Gatorade also has enough sugar — yes, sugar! — to bring the calorie count up to 480!  And on days when I was having a jug and a half, that was 720 calories.

When you’re trying to stick to 1200 to 1500 calories a day, and Gatorade is taking up more than half of your daily allowance, it’s no wonder that the scale just sits there laughing at you morning after morning.

I admitted that I never bothered to look at the calories in Gatorade, because I thought it was artificial sweetener.  Why would they load a “fitness” drink with sugar?  It never would have occurred to me that there were all those calories screwing up my diet plan.

Am I the only one who didn’t realize this?

I’m a wuss.

There. I said it.

I remember a few years ago watching an episode of The Biggest Loser. (Don’t ask me why I was watching it, I just was. Back off.) Anyway, early in the competition, during a particularly intense segment of the workout, one of the fat guys got sick and barfed from working out too hard.

I laughed.

I’m not laughing any more. I hired a personal trainer for a 12-week program. I meet with him once a week and then go to the gym on my own and follow some general guidelines he sets for me at least three other nights a week.

I had my latest session with him, and I can honestly say that for the first time, I almost got sick to my stomach from exercise. I’ve always suspected that exercise can kill you, and now I have the beginnings of definitive proof. I had to excuse myself at one point and go to the men’s room.

Fortunately, I did not have insult added to injury by passing any scantily-clad muscle men changing in the locker room as I limped along, feeling feeble. Okay, not feeble: feeling like I was on death’s door. I caught my reflection in the mirror as I headed to the great porcelain bowl (just in case), and I was ashen. So I now know what I’d look like in a black and white movie. It’s no more of a pretty sight than the color version, unfortunately.

I did not part ways with my last meal, I am happy to say, but this was accomplished by sitting very still for several minutes, during which the memory of me laughing at that fat guy who “couldn’t take the pounding” kept playing over and over. Damn photographic memory.

What happened, I think, is that I simply allowed myself to get overheated. Too intense exercise too quickly, with no water. It didn’t help matters that I was trying to look macho as I struggled to do reps with 20 and 30-pound weights (!!!) and had a heavy towel draped around the back of my neck…that particular body part felt like it was about 150° as I lay dying stood fighting the “impulse.”

For those few minutes, being fat and weak honestly didn’t seem so bad.

John of johnisfit.com recently posted an entry called, “Four Reasons You Should Be Writing a Weight Loss Blog.”  He makes good points.

On the other hand, I’ve got one big reason why I’m not, and I’m sure you can guess what it is.

Yeah, yeah, the holidays…in the south…with a family that takes, “No, I couldn’t eat any more, thanks,” as some hidden commentary on the quality of the food being offered. Stress. Lots of stress. Stress on top of stress.

And let us not forget a big dessert of lazy. Why, yes, I will have an extra helping of that, thank you very much.

So I’ve hired a personal trainer for one day a week, to take me through a “real” workout, which I’m sure must be a hilarious thing to watch. I then go to the gym three more times during the week, focusing on limited weight training and lots and lots of cardio. (And you all know how much I love that.)

When I started my weight loss plan last February, I had hoped to lose 90 pounds over the course of the year. That was a dumb idea. I knew it was a dumb idea when I came up with it, so I didn’t take it so seriously as to wreck my chances. But I did take it seriously enough to reach a point of over-indulgence during the last two months of the year, which I justified by reminding myself that it’s the holidays, and most people gain 10 to 15 pounds that time of year, anyway. And so I did.

Maybe even a few more pounds than that, to be honest.

I’m still about 45 pounds lighter than I was this time a year ago, so I feel good about that. So I’m now getting back on track with the new year. While I’m not ready to start a “weight loss blog” just yet, I’ll keep you posted on progress.

Because there will be progress.

Why is it that the foods that are the worst for you always are the ones that taste the best? And more importantly, why can’t someone make healthy food taste like it isn’t.

A short time ago, Men’s Health came out with a list of the 20 worst foods you can order at a restaurant.

Yes, I was tempted to make this a Sunday Seven question, in which you would have had to list the seven most-appealing from that list. The only problem was that the very thought of doing so made me too hungry.

My station did a story on the list, as I’m sure most did, shortly after the list was released. So that we would have video of the offending food items, one of the reporters stopped by a few of the restaurants and ordered items from the list so that we could then tape footage. After the footage was safely recorded, the food was left in a break room and people were invited to partake if they dared.

We dared. Boy, did we dare.

The most painful item on the list was the number one item on the list: Outback’s Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing, which clocks in with 2,900 calories and 182 grams of fat. (And from the moment it hits your taste buds, you start thinking, “calories, schmalories.”)

I haven’t had an order of those wonderful, delicious, awesome unhealthy fries since last January, when I weighed the most I’ve ever weighed in my life.

I’d like to say that I’m completely over them, that their complete absence from my diet never occurs to me.

But we both know better than that, don’t we?

Earlier this evening, I went to the gym.  It was the first time I had been in several weeks, although on Sunday night I did go for a brisk walk/jog around the neighborhood for a half-hour.

I really felt all those days that I hadn’t been at the gym working against me as I (somehow) managed to complete 30 minutes on the elliptical machine.

(Have I mentioned before that while I do believe that there is such a thing as Hell, my image of it isn’t caverns of fire but rather a line of elliptical machines that have the “cooldown” function permanently disabled?  Just sayin’.)

I was tempted to stop at 15 minutes.  Okay, okay…I was tempted to stop at five minutes.  I really felt all of those days I had slacked off.  But I kept at it.

My gym is currently undergoing some kind of renovations.  I can’t tell exactly what they’re doing, but they have moved things around and it appears that they have opened up an area that previously had been closed off.  Workmen passed by a few times while I was working out, but we paid each other no real attention.

This changed as I passed the 25-minute mark, when several of the workers began congregating around a counter in the center of the room that personal trainers typically use as a headquarters from which they plan unique forms of torture for their clients.  As they congregated, they ate their dinner:  cheeseburgers and french fries from Wendy’s.

Large french fries.

One of them was drinking Propel fitness water instead of cola.  But give me a break…he was still eating large friggin’ french fries!

Come on!  Here I am, a fat guy, killing myself on an elliptical machine (from Hell), while these clods were eating fast food just three rows of machines away.

I almost had an out-of-body experience, during which, no doubt, my spirit would have risen, giving me the chance to see myself slaving away, then drifted innocently over the aforementioned workers, only to throttle them all in mid-chew.

They were in better shape than I am, but with rage alone, I think I could have taken them.

Last night, I went to the gym.

It was the first time I had been to the gym in several weeks, unfortunately.  There.  I said it.

I’ve been losing ground the past few weeks when it comes to keeping the lost weight in the “lost” column.  That’s never a good thing.

When I hit the 240 mark a few days back (after having gotten as low as about 228), I guess that was the reality check I needed.

This morning, I was back down to 236, which means I’ve still lost about 54 pounds from my all-time high back in January.  I should weigh less than that by now.  My original goal — which I knew wasn’t really possible going in — was to weigh 199 by the day after Thanksgiving.  It was going to be a 38th birthday present to myself.

(Yeah…I had originally planned to lose weight even through Thanksgiving Day. What was I thinking?!?)

So in the sidebar, I’m keeping track of my gym time, most of which will be on the Elliptical Crosstrainer From Hell™.  My goal is 200 minutes a week, which means an average of 40 minutes over 5 days a week.  If I get slack, I can do less over more days; if I get over-eager, which isn’t likely in a gym, I can do more over fewer days.  It’s a nice dream, anyway.

All of you with drill sergeant experience are more than welcome to get after me when you see the number falling short.

Sometimes, a little public humiliation is just the thing to get the diet restarted.

One of the newest commercials for Bowflex — at least it appears to be a new commercial — has a guy who claims to gotten into great shape with the use of the fitness machine.

During the spot, he says, “I gave my ‘fat clothes’ to my fat friends.”

Considering his ability to make such a remark, after having allegedly been out of shape himself, this isn’t the kind of person I’d want as a friend.

This isn’t exactly a commercial that warms me up to the product.

My lunch yesterday consisted of a hamburger, made with a ground chuck patty grilled on a George Foreman-like grill, whole wheat bun, and low-fat mayonnaise.  The obvious missing ingredient was a slice of cheese.

For a side item, instead of some sort of fried potatoes (which I’d have much preferred), there were mixed greens — a euphemistic description on the salad package that I suspect keeps them from having to admit that some of the various leaves come from common shrubs that they just happened to find somewhere.  With a light dusting of parmesan cheese (also low-fat) and spray Caesar salad dressing, the whole meal was under 400 calories.

It occurred to me that it has been nine months since I last visited my favorite restaurant back home, Zesto, an old-fashioned drive-in restaurant with the greatest burgers and fried chicken (and soft-serve ice cream) you’d ever find.

With my diet back on track, having lost 7.5 pounds that I had stupidly allowed myself to gain, I can’t help but think how much I do miss Zesto.  I’ll go back again, because I don’t think you have to be a fanatic.  But you can make adjustments that aren’t nearly as terrible as you think they’d be in your day-to-day eating habits.

A funny thing, cause and effect.

Sometimes you identify something that’s going on around you and you figure out exactly what’s causing it. Then you realize that that result wasn’t the end of one situation, it was simply the start of something else.
Curious.

I had a discussion with my weight loss counselor this afternoon, and we discussed why I thought I was backsliding a bit on the diet. (I’ve gained about six pounds from my lowest weight. Ugh.)

I mentioned a lot of the familiar excuses reasons, and we talked about a wide variety of things. I mentioned at one point that I wasn’t blogging as much as I typically do. I think the slowdown is because I haven’t felt as though I had a lot to say of late.

“Maybe,” he countered, “if you didn’t slow down on the venting, you’d have a lot more to say.”

I hate it when they’re right.

Here’s the post many of you have been expecting, especially those of you who have known me for any length of time. It’s the post where I tell you that since I’ve wrapped up the weekly visits to MUSC, my diet has gone by the wayside, forgotten, and that I am schmoozing my way through my now-monthly weigh-ins.

Here’s where I explain why I gained so much weight rather than losing.

There’s just one thing… Continue reading “Diet Update”

Today was my final appointment for the 15-week MUSC weight loss plan I’ve been doing. This time, I met with the exercise physiologist, who measured my Body Mass Index (BMI) and the percentage of body fat I’m carrying.

My “official” weight tonight on their scale was 234.6. This morning on my scale at home, the reading was 233.0. (Guess which one I’m going with!) When I started on their plan, my weight was 280.9. I actually started my weight loss plan a couple of weeks earlier, and my real starting weight was 290.0.

My starting BMI was 38. It is now 31.8. Normal is between 18.5 to 24.9. Anything above 30 is considered obese. But at least I am now on the low side of obese. I’m not going to sweat that.

As for my percentage of body fat, I started off with 34%. I’m now at 26.7%. A body fat percentage of between 18-25% is considered “acceptable.” At 26.7%, I’m in the obese category here, too. But again, I’ve made enough progress toward “normal” that I’m not about to get depressed about that.

I then asked him to have a look at my blood work. He was the only one of the specialists I’ve been meeting with who hadn’t seen those numbers, yet. I saw his face light up when he saw the 80-point drop in cholesterol.

He then said that he wanted to use my results as a case study for a class he’s teaching. I told him that for anyone who knows me, the fact that an excercise physiologist wants to use my fitness plan as a success story would come across as the biggest punchline in the world!

At the end of the session, they gave me an option of either re-signing for another 15 weeks, signing up for 5 sessions that I could schedule up to a full month apart just for “maintenence” or to just walk away. Figuring that a little accountability is better than none at all, I opted for the 5 sessions. My next session is in June, and I’m hoping to have dropped down to about 227 by then. At least, that’s my plan. And at least once a week, if not more, I’m going to post a weigh-in. More accountability.

Regardless, I now believe — more strongly than I’ve ever really believed it before — that I can reach my long-term goal. I made some changes, the kind of common sense stuff that really anyone ought to make, and in just 15 weeks, I went from absolutely lousy cholesterol and blood sugar levels to levels that fall well within the green zones. Or, as the exercise guru said, my risks for major problems like diabetes, heart attack and stroke have plummeted.

And I note this for one important reason: if I can do it, anyone can.

Weigh-in: 233.0
Total Lost: 57.0
Lost on MUSC Plan: 47.0
Left to Go: 34.0
Days Until Deadline: 188
Most Recent Blood Pressure: 111/67
Waist Sizes Down: 3

Years ago, I worked with a news anchor who occasionally had to do a quick summary of weather for overnight news “capsules.” Whenever there was a temperature of 55, he called it “double nickels.” I suspect he did it because he knew how much it annoyed all of us in the booth. He was that kind of guy.

When I got on the scale this morning and saw that my weight was 235, I realized that my weight loss is now “double nickels.”

I’m sure that my weight will fluctuate a little over the next few days. It has been varying up and down by as much as a pound and a half since I returned (happily) to an “all-food” diet. But this is the first day since this diet began that I’ve reached the 55-pound mark. So even if I have picked up a pound by tomorrow, I’m still pretty pleased.

On Monday, I had my official weigh-in at MUSC. I got the full results of the blood work. For anyone who looks at their weight and thinks they just can’t make progress, what has happened to me so far is proof to the contrary. Here are the “before” and “after” statistics on the old red stuff circulating through yours truly:

Total Cholesterol: (Should be under 200)
Then: 219
Now: 139 (I still can’t believe that one.)

LDL (“Bad”) Cholesterol: (Should be under 100)
Then: 155
Now: 86

HDL (“Good”) Cholesterol: (Should be above 40)
Then: 34
Now: 34

Triglycerides: (Should be under 150)
Then: 150
Now: 93

Blood Sugar: (Should be under 100)
Then: 104
Now: 76

The fact that the good cholesterol has stayed exactly the same, I am told, is a very good sign. That’s because when most people experience a drop in total cholesterol as high as 80 points, usually both the good and bad cholesterol levels drop. The good cholesterol is generally only raised through exercise, so the exercise I have been doing has essentially raised it enough that it stayed even from three months ago.

I’ll admit it: I was disappointed that it hadn’t gone up. I was hoping for 36. I knew 40 wasn’t possible in that short a time. But I accept their explanation and I’m still pleased with the final results. It certainly could be worse.

A while back, the behavioral counselors at MUSC suggested that I make up a list of rewards for myself. For the 55-pound mark, I suggested dinner at Outback. They suggested that this was a bad idea, because I was making food a reward.

My folks are coming to Charleston for dinner either Saturday or Sunday, so we’ll end up going to some nice restaurant. It may be Outback. It may not be. Wherever it is, I won’t over-indulge. No dessert. No fancy appetizer. (Did you know that Outback’s Cheese Fries have 2,900 calories?!?) I’ll eat a good meal, just not an enormous one.

And I think all will still be well with the world.

Weigh-in: 235.0
Total Lost: 55.0
Lost on MUSC Plan: 45.0
Left to Go: 36.0
Days Until Deadline: 199
Calorie Allowance Per Day: 1,200
Most Recent Blood Pressure: 121/65
Waist Sizes Down: 3