Regular Doses of Common Sense™

10 Pizza Toppings I’d Never Want on My Pizza

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10 Pizza Toppings I’d Never Want on My Pizza

Some people love to go wild with pizza toppings when it comes to making their favorite take on the Italian classic. I’m more of a purist, apparently.

I’ll go ahead and say it for you and save you the time: some of my culinary tastes are a bit dull.

But I can’t help it: I like what I like, and very often, the more “experimental” you get, the less I like it. It’s a free country, right?

Well, I think it should be, at least when it comes to pizza.

I’ve seen recent commercials touting tropical pizzas with pineapple and barbecue pizzas with a variety of Texas-inspired sauces.

Let me be clear: I love pineapple, and I’m reliably informed that fresh pineapple right off a tree in Hawaii has a taste that’s indescribably better than any pineapple we’ve ever had on the mainland. (Maybe one day I’ll visit there and see if that’s right.

I also love barbecue. My favorite is the “Carolina” style, which is mustard-based. My next favorite is the tomato-based variety. I’ve had vinegar-based barbecue that is very, very good, but if I had to choose among the three, it’s the last one I’d usually choose.

But just because I love the two foods doesn’t mean I want them on a pizza. So now that you know two of the eight, here’s the rest of my list.

1. Olives

I don’t like the taste of olives. I do use olive oil when cooking once in a while, but it has to be a very mild variety: the more “olivey” it tastes, the less I’m likely to like it.

2. Onion

I don’t mind onion so much, but because I have a giant dog who likes to have a taste of anything I eat, and because onions are particularly bad for dogs, I tend to avoid bringing home any pizza with onions on it.

3. Pineapple

Like I said: I love pineapple. Just not on a pizza.

4. Jalapeño

I don’t like it on or in anything. Sorry to disappoint anyone — including my dad — who loves ultra-spicy food. I did not, apparently, inherit that particular gene.

5. Sriracha

Not a fan…on pizza or on anything else.

6. Barbecue Anything

If you want to make me a pizza I’ll like, don’t add barbecue sauce or any meat that has been bathed in it. If we’re going to do barbecue, let’s do barbecue. If we’re going to do pizza, let’s do pizza.

7. Tomato Slices

I’ve never been a big fan of tomatoes, which is enough to make some of my fellow Southerners wonder if I might actually be a Yankee in disguise. Actually, I’ve always avoided tomatoes because of a mild tomato allergy I have when it comes to raw tomatoes. Once they’re cooked, whatever it is in a tomato that makes the lining of the inside of my mouth feel itchy seems to cook off. I don’t mind, therefore, tomato sauce on a pizza: in fact, I don’t even consider it a pizza at all if there’s no tomato sauce and cheese. But big slices or chunks of tomato on top of that? Not on my slice, thank you.

8. Apples

I’ve heard of recipes for pizza with apple slices. I will admit having a dessert “pizza” at the chain Cici’s that’s essentially apple pie on a pizza crust, minus the tomato sauce, cheese and other typical pizza ingredients. It’s fine there, but I don’t really consider that pizza.

9. Lettuce

It’s not that the idea of greenery on a pizza turns me off. I love bell pepper, for example. I don’t even mind a little spinach. But if lettuce is part of the meal, give me a nice salad before the pizza arrives and I’ll be just as happy.

10. Shrimp

I don’t know where this idea came from, but that’s another thing I don’t want to see on my pizza. By itself, I’ll take it fried, sauteed, or grilled. But on a pizza, I’ll pass.

Those are the 10 things I’d rather not have on a pizza. How about your list?

What are your ‘deal-breakers’ when it comes to pizza toppings?

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Cathryn Smith
I like some of the toppings you don’t: olives, onions, pineapple, jalapenos (pineapple and jalapenos together are amazing!) and sriracha – my favorite hot sauce! I agree with apples, tomato slices, barbecue and lettuce. My pizzas look a little different these days since I’ve gone vegan. Obviously, I don’t want any meat on there but cheese is also a no-no to me. I’ll take vegan “cheese” if available, but oftentimes it is not. Needless to say, I’m the odd person out when the office wants to order pizza. I just tell them to order for themselves and I’ll get something… Read more »