Christmas Crisis

Last Updated on June 13, 2017

People like to blame today’s retail merchants for inflicting the custom of Christmas gifts upon us, but historians don’t agree on that assumption. They would point to ancient Rome, where the exchange of small gifts among family members was part of their year-end celebrations.

I’m sure it was a lot easier back then, despite modern technology.

There were no shopping malls, but this meant that there were no traffic jams. There were no Christmas sales, but this meant that there were no long lines to checkout. There were no webpages from which one could order a gift by a certain date to be guaranteed that the gifts would arrive before Christmas; but this meant that such retailers weren’t making empty promises about delivery dates that turned out not to be true.

One of the gifts I ordered this Christmas — for my Godson, Sullivan — came from a well-known online merchant. They promised that if I ordered by a certain date (and I ordered before that date), there would be no problem with Christmas delivery.

No problem.

I gave them my work address, reasoning that if the mail arrived while I was at work, the postal carrier might not want to risk leaving it at my door, and they’d instead take it back to the post office and I’d have the added hassle of having to go claim it at their window. The day before their “guaranteed” delivery date, I called the retailer just to make sure it was going to be there. After waiting 14 minutes on hold, I was connected to a human. “Yes,” said the operator, “I’m showing that it just arrived at the local post office this afternoon.”

What a relief.

The next day, however, there was no package. You’d already guessed that, right? I called the retailer back, waited 15 minutes this time, and was told by the operator that she was showing that it had just arrived at my local post office that afternoon.

Hmm…see a pattern here? The retailer said they’d give me a refund of the shipping charges.

I called the post office and explained that since the next day was a Saturday, and since our front desk was closed, there was no mail delivery. I wanted to know what I’d have to do to claim the package. “Just come by this afternoon and we’ll get it for you,” the postal worker said.

Fine.

I went, ridiculously-long package tracking ID number in hand, to claim my package. The post office couldn’t find it.

Naturally.

The clerk suggested that if the package had come in that afternoon, it might not be checked in so that her computer would see it. She gave me a number to call early the next morning. I was to get in touch with the specific carrier that would handle that route, ask him to leave that package out of his van (which I figured he’d do anyway since he wasn’t making a delivery at that address). I’d then be able to go to the post office again and pick up the package from the window.

I called the next morning, (at an hour where I’m generally not yet awake, much less lucid), got the carrier and had him search for the package. I was on hold just long enough to become convinced that the package still hadn’t arrived. Fortunately, he came back with good news.
So I then had to go back to the post office later that morning when the window opened and claim the package. I took it, terrified that I’d open it and find that they’d packed the wrong item, but fortunately, they put the right toy in the right box.

I doubt I’ll be doing business with that company again. It’s one thing to inconvenience me; when you lose track of my Godson’s Christmas present, you’re treading on thin ice with me.

But I was able to visit with my best friend’s family on Christmas evening and everyone seemed pleased with the gifts. They’re quite a good looking family: three kids, ages four, two and four months. I think it’s safe to say that all three will grow up to be heart-breakers.

I hope all of you had a great, stress-free Christmas filled with the things that made you happy. If you’re celebrating Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, I hope you’re still having a stress-free, joy-filled holiday.

Wouldn’t it be nice if every day could be like that?