Every region has its special little phrases that can take on more than one meaning. In the South, ‘bless your heart’ covers a wide territory.
One of the things I learned about language when I was a kid was that some words and phrases can mean different things depending on how they’re delivered. The phrase “bless your heart” is a perfect example. Here in the South, it can definitely have more than one meaning.
Southern Living magazine calls it a “versatile” phrase you’ll either hear spoken vehemently aloud or in a breathless whisper.
The website It’s a Southern Thing compares it to a plate of Chicken and Waffles, another Southern favorite: “It can be sweet, it can be spicy and it’s perfect for any occasion.”
When I was a kid, my grandmother kept me while my parents worked. On a handful of occasions, I had to accompany her to an informal meeting involving some of the women of the community. That was a good place to learn that “bless your heart” could mean one thing in one conversation, but the polar opposite moments later in another.
It’s funny how language works, isn’t it?
So I thought I’d make a list of how context changes what the Southern phrase “bless your heart” actually means.
1. Expression of sympathy or concern
You tell someone you’re having a terrible day. First, your coffee maker died as you were getting ready for work. Then your car wouldn’t start. To top it all off, your boss has you lead a meeting you were not prepared for or even informed you’d be attending!
”Well, bless your heart,” the listener tells you, commiserating with your plights. The phrase indicates a concern for your wellbeing and a hope that things will get better quickly.
Most of the time, well-meaning people in the South use the phrase in this way.
2. Expression of gratitude
You show up at a friend’s door with a cake you baked for them because you heard they were the one having a bad day. So you tell your friend you wanted to do something nice.
”Well bless your heart,” the friend says. “That was so kind of you.”
Here, the phrase is merely another way of saying “thank you.”
3. Expression of condescending sympathy
Southern Living describes this usage as one that essentially means, “You don’t know any better.” It may even be delivered with a bit of head-shaking.
You’re with a group at a formal black-tie event. The term “black tie,” as most know, means formal wear: typically tuxedos and evening gowns. Someone walks in wearing a blazer and khakis with a shirt and tie, clearly having missed the point of the “black tie” part of the invitation.
One of the more elegantly dressed might shake their head as they whisper to a friend, “Bless his heart. He didn’t know what ‘black tie’ meant.”
It’s not meant to be hostile per se, but it is meant to convey ignorance on the part of the target.
4. Expression of ridicule or contempt
Back in 2016, former U.N. ambassador and South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley used the phrase in this context. She responded to posts on X from Donald Trump. In one of those posts, he called her “an embarrassment.”
She replied on X, “Bless your heart.”
There was no love lost between the two of them in 2016…or in the years since.
In a 1975 episode of The Tonight Show, comedian Don Rickles was filling in for Johnny Carson. Bob Hope, Bing Crosby and John Wayne, who were rehearsing a program in a nearby studio, walked on to huge applause. Rickles had them sit down for a few minutes for a quick chat.
As Rickles started with his usual roasting schtick, Hope told him, “Your wife called; your crocodile got loose again.”
After the audience laughed, Rickles said, “God bless you, Bob.”
This usage of “bless your heart” is delivered with the similar meaning, but of course Rickles didn’t feel contempt for Hope; he was merely carrying on the tone of the series of barbs.
Few phrases have so many applications as “bless your heart.” But as with most parts of the English language, it’s all about context.
