If You Have False Teeth, I Hope You Never Do This

I wish this had been an April Fools joke, but I’m quite serious about these false teeth faux pas I hope you never commit.

Let me say upfront: I don’t have false teeth and my goal is never to have false teeth.

I do know people who do and I also know people who have had horrible experiences with others who have false teeth.

I’m happy to tell you that I’ve never witnessed either of these two scenarios personally, and that’s a very good thing: when it comes to certain things, I have a very sensitive stomach and I have a weird thing about the eyes and the mouth.

The first “horror story” is about the man with the false teeth who randomly removes them in the middle of a meal…and sets them on the table next to a fellow diner.

Seriously? Why would you take your teeth out in public and then put it on the table in front of someone else?

Who honestly wants to see teeth smiling up at them outside of a mouth?!?

But it gets worse, and if you have a sensitive stomach, be on alert: the second scenario happened to someone I know who was having a meal with friends. One of the friends — my stomach is tensing up as I write this — pulled out his false teeth and — gasp! — began sucking food off of them at the table.

I am not making this up.

For the love of all things holy, who on earth would do such a thing? If you have a problem with something stuck between your teeth — real or false — if you can’t remove the food subtly, it’s time to excuse yourself and take care of it in the restroom or at least out of the site of other people.

Honestly, if I had been at that meal, I’d have had to excuse myself and hope I could get to the restroom in time!

If you ever end up with false teeth (and I hope you don’t), please exercise common sense and good manners and have mercy on those around you: teeth belong on display inside your mouth, not outside.

How would you handle it if someone you knew just spontaneously removed their teeth in front of you? Would it bother you or not?

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Patrick is a Christian with more than 27 years experience in professional writing, producing and marketing. His professional background also includes social media, reporting for broadcast television and the web, directing, videography and photography. He enjoys getting to know people over coffee and spending time with his dog.