Pickle Pizza? Seriously, What Were They Thinking?

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Pizza Hut says it is the first to introduce the pickle pizza to its menu. I have to wonder if that’s a distinction that’s really worth having.

You might say I’m fairly conservative when it comes to pizza. Give me cheese, pepperoni, Italian sausage, some bell peppers and mushrooms. I hate olives and I’m not all that wild about onions on pizza. I’m definitely not into those non-traditional versions like “barbecue chicken pizza” or “Hawaiian pizza.” Now, Pizza Hut has come up with another wild idea: the pickle pizza.

Pizza Hut says it’s the first national chain to release a pickle pizza. I guess someone has to be first with something…even when that something is a horrible, horrible idea. (And cue the tired headlines about it being “a big dill.”)

Yes, pickle pizza. Picture a traditional pepperoni pizza but those little red disks of meat are replaced with green slices of pickle. If you’re having a hard time wrapping your head — or your taste buds — around the idea, NBC’s Today has a photo of it.

Don’t get me wrong. I like pickles all right. But I like eating pickles out of a jar. Once in a while, I don’t mind pickles on a burger. When I eat at Chick-fil-A, I find pickles on my sandwich. Those instances are all fine.

But a pickle pizza? No. I just can’t.

I can’t even imagine what that would be like.

When I look at that photo, I wonder how on earth anyone could enjoy a pizza with that much pickle and, apparently, so little of anything else.

They decided to skip the traditional tomato sauce that makes a pizza a pizza. So you get pizza dough that has a Buttermilk Ranch base that they then top with cheese, crispy breaded chicken breast, and onion slices. They season the chicken breast with Nashville Hot seasoning.

I hate overly hot seasonings that make you taste the heat rather than the food it’s coating.

Then they add what Today calls a heaping helping of spicy dill pickles. Pickles themselves weren’t bad enough, apparently. They had to make them spicy, too!

Then they drizzle this horrible idea with more Ranch, likely to help drown the Nashville Hot a bit, which is a good indication that they probably used too much.

Can I find something good to say? Sure…

For one thing, as I’m sure you could guess, it will only be offered for a limited time. That in itself feels like a definite blessing. The Takeout reports that on top of that, only a single Pizza Hut location will offer it and for only one weekend:

The Pizza Hut Pickle Pizza will be available June 9 to 11, while supplies last, at one precise location: 932 8th Avenue in New York City. It is only available for carryout, must be ordered in-store, and costs $17.99. 

If I’m paying $18 for a pizza, you can rest assured it won’t have pickles, chicken or hot sauce anywhere near it.

People in New York are being inundated with large amounts of smoke at the moment coming in from Canadian wildfires. Health authorities are urging people to stay indoors rather than brave the poor air quality, especially if they have existing respiratory illnesses.

Maybe, just maybe, that’s a sign from up above. Maybe all that smoke is a message: Pizza doesn’t need pickles.

the authorPatrick
Patrick is a Christian with more than 30 years experience in professional writing, producing and marketing. His professional background also includes social media, reporting for broadcast television and the web, directing, videography and photography. He enjoys getting to know people over coffee and spending time with his dog.