Last Updated on February 19, 2022
The 36-year-old mother nicknamed the “hot sauce mom” after she was recorded on tape forcing her child to drink hot sauce and take cold showers was convicted on Tuesday.
The charge? Misdemeanor child abuse. The punishment? A fine of up to $10,000 and a year in prison.
But the guilty verdict begs a question: how far is too far when it comes to discipline for a child? What makes one type of punishment acceptable — even if it doesn’t solve the specific problem — and what makes another type a case of child abuse?
A lot of today’s parents grew up with the threat of having their mouths washed out with soap for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I don’t know of anyone who actually endured such an unusual punishment, but would that be child abuse, too?
Many of us grew up with parents who maintained spanking in their child-rearing arsenal. I was spanked maybe four times in my entire life. I didn’t suffer any psychological problems because of those instances, but then my parents always accompanied the corporal punishment with a discussion of why that penalty was the one I was facing.
Some say the real test should be whether the punishment is “cruel and unusual.” Yet in today’s society, many feel that spanking is cruel, and are unable unwilling to see it as anything other than child abuse.
It would never occur to me to force a child to drink hot sauce as a punishment. I don’t think it’s the wisest idea, but at the same time, people use hot sauce every day; it’s not like she was forcing him to ingest poison. And assuming she knew that he wouldn’t suffer some sort of life-threatening allergic reaction to an ingredient in the stuff, it’s unlikely the child would have suffered anything more than temporary discomfort. (And, perhaps, opened sinus cavities.)
So where’s the line? At which point does a “unique” punishment actually become child abuse? Surely there can be no “short list” of acceptable punishments for children; after all, visit a book store today and just count how many different titles there are when it comes to the subject of raising a child. If there was one surefire way to do it, there wouldn’t be so many “experts” out there assuring parents that their way was the only way.
So if no single form of discipline works for every single child, then how is a parent supposed to decide what is and isn’t acceptable punishment for his or her own child? And more importantly, how is a court supposed to decide when that decision is over the top?
What do you think? How do you feel about a mom using hot sauce or a cold shower as a method of discipline? Is that any worse than what you endured as a kid? What’s the worst punishment you received, and do you think that same punishment would be viewed as acceptable by today’s standards?
I grew up with parents who never hesitated to threaten that they’d send us out to “cut [our] own switch” (which never made ANY sense to me, by the way) when we got in trouble. I remember at least twice being spanked with a hairbrush. My oldest sister, at age three, was tied to the clothesline pole the day after she walked three miles to our grandmother’s house. And the obligatory mouth/soap threat (which never was carried out). I would say we all turned out ok, productive members of society all. All of us kids tried very hard to walk the other side of this street. In some ways, I wish I could say that I never spanked, but I can’t, though the truth is the one time I actually remember spanking I have no idea what the offense was, and only remember how much it hurt MY hand, which was a shock. It didn’t cure my son of being a kid, though, that’s for sure!I don’t have a problem with appropriate punishment. I mean, if a kid breaks something that is going to impact the whole family immediately and long term (like a toilet, for instance–my nephew did this), he should remember why that’s a bad thing. If parents don’t spank all the time, that might be an exception that proves the rule and makes for a sound reminder of why not to break toilets.I have NO idea what hot sauce or cold showers are supposed to teach a kid, nor did I go check to see how old this kid was. I think these might be appropriate for an older kid, but not for a toddler. A cold shower, however, is really a punishment? How LONG was this cold shower? Was the kid in trouble for using up the hot water? Cold showers seem fair. Was the kid being punished for backtalk or swearing? Hot sauce might be just the ticket (at least it’s not soap!). Generally being pissed off because you’re kid is annoying you? Well, then, yeah, either of these are over the top. Sounds like mom needed a time-out.
Parenting, by definition, is situational. Shouting at a child every day can be far worse than hitting her once. Thrashing a child for every minor infraction seems completely useless. A child who ‘gets it’ with a short time-out isn’t the same as a child who needs more immediate intervention and long-term boundaries. And no one knows better how to deal with their kids than the parents, some of whom probably shouldn’t be parents at all. Which is what makes it all hard. I tend to try to go by the “Judge not lest ye be judged” rule: I don’t live in that household, so I don’t really know what the kid is like at home.
When I was a kid, my parents never struck me (although I am sure that they were sorely tempted…) and the rule of thumb was that if I was struck by my grandparents they would not have me visit them any more. My grandmother stuck to it but hated it. She used to hit my father on the back of his legs with kitchen utensils and knitting needles. Charming.
I turned out just fine, I might add. I know some people engage in it as acceptable punishment; I personally disagree. I also don’t want to see it. I am disgusted when I see it happen.
Hot sauce… I wonder what the offense was. I tend to think this will be wholly ineffective, but what do I know? I think there has to be a better way to discipline kids. Super Nanny does it all the time without laying a hand on the little buggers or using Tabasco sauce (although maybe it would work on the parents – they are the more hopeless of the two groups) or any physical means to get the kids to behave.
I would never had made my children drink hot sauce. I’m not sure I consider it abuse, though it doesn’t seem like a helpful punishment to me.
We were spanked as children and I certainly don’t have lasting issues associated with that punishment but I know now days that is considered abusive by a lot of people. I really don’t think it is, personally.